Watch

everyday i watch it, it watches itself. It has nice thoughts, it has bad thoughts. It is the saint, it is the sinner. It is fame and success, it is humiliation and loss. It is stability. It is change. It is creating new relationships and discarding old. Craving for old, discarding new. It is what it is. A self created principle. The great illusion which you dare to think of as real.

It is ambition and willpower, it is peace and being. It is addiction and instinctive. What gives it that power if it were unreal? It is the one which seeks answers for questions. I am Not that. I am ....

Inner room mate

Excerpt from the book "the untethered soul"

You're ready to grow when you finally realise that the"I" who is always talking inside will never be content. It always has a problem with something.

Before you had your current problem, there was a different problem. And if you're wise you will realise that after this one's gone,there will be another one.

The bottom line is, you'll never be free of problems until you're free from the part within that has so many problems.

Resting Mind

I feel I'm done with this mind

Can't afford to remain entangled in this mind and its endless cycles of Maya

Am thinking of taking a break from my own mind

By going deep within

Until I find that which hasn't changed, will never ever change

Of seeing that aspect which doesn't see, which just knows

All of us would have experienced this some time or other in our lives

Wish me luck dear friend, in this journey of the mind towards its own death

The death of the ego

Experiences in life

Difficult experiences in life forced me to quiet my thinking and emoting mind.

Observe that its impossible to think continually and emote when you are sitting straight with neck erect coupled with breathing diagrammatically.

The Ida and Pingala currents
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I managed to balance the currents and listen to the E and C sounds by grabbing them in meditation after a sustained concentration effort today morning. When they were about to merge on top, observed the pink Ida current on left side, and the blue Pingala current on right side. Both these became one at the center at the top, and became white light also known as sushumna, this is characterized by the eee sound in the inner ear.

The pink current or ida or yin is predominantly feminine in nature, we emote a lot while in this current, the blue pingala is its opposite, the yang, masculine current with intellectual aggression and thinking predominating.

Living in each alone makes life difficult as it will soon lead to its polar opposite. that is, thinking too much carries awareness to areas which emote. I went through some difficult experiences recently which forced me to sit, which forced me to quiet my mind, which forced me to mediate deeply, and thanks to it, I actually realized these two energies within me.

Silent chanting of Aum
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
The Aum mantra starts with AA which vibrates the body and brings awareness from the muladhara & svadhishtana chakras (which are associated with memory and reasoning, thinking) to the throat when the UU letters are uttered, and then merge in the head when the MM letters vibrate in the center of the head. This practice brings about the merging of ida and pingala into the sushumna current. Actually saw this happening today with the third eye. Aum

Thank you gurudeva. The lessons 260 and 261 of merging with Siva book helped me to realize this within me.

SEEING the thought linkage

Have been seeing how thoughts link to past memories. Then the chain reaction starts, those memories link up to other memories. Ramification is the nature of the mind.

When I see things in the external world, the first thing that happens in thought linkage. This is the first thought.

This thought leads to desire, then to action. Observed this yesterday when I took a decision to go to a restaurant. A previous rendezvous with a friend at that restaurant and food coupled with the thought that my family would like to taste the same made me take that action.

This is how we go about making most decisions and actions. The actions match what patanjali says : i.e. they fall under escape from pain or run after pleasure category.

The reason for this is identification with the ego.

whether the mind is desiring something or escaping from a problem, what's really happening is identification of the seer with the ego and objects of seeing.

In short : when you desire or fear, it indicates the presence (emergence) of the ego.

Beautiful sun rays amidst clouds

Saw this scene amidst watching my ego while returning home from work. Not sure what all my ego will try to plan this weekend.

Happy observation !

The small "i"

There is a small i which wants to do so many things but yet not determined to do anything at all, whose diversification of energies are so much that finally nothing gets done,  I have observed you and am watching you dear "small i"

The process of meditation is to watch this small "i" and go about facing life and its karmas which have been self-created knowing that Siva is the life of your life. This is not just a belief but a fact, armed with this knowledge one knows that there is no karma that's impossible to overcome since Siva is watching it and leading you through life.

When the mind wants to be elsewhere than where it is, wants to be someone else than what it is, wants to more than what it has, thinks about what it was, and what it will be or should be, what it should have done or what it should be doing --- in all these cases its easy to observe the functions of the small "i".

Memory => Desire/Fear => Action

An experience : while browsing through the world, I observe something which reminds me of a past memory. This memory is many years old stored in subconscious.

this memory triggered a thought which projected the memory into a future (imagination).

Soon after this a desire was formed to reenact the memory in the present.

That led to an action (which is actually a reaction of the past memory)

Instinctive decisions

Instinctive decisions can cost a lot, whether its suddenly buying something expensive, booking Movie tickets online just because you wanted to try out a new app, or an imaginative thought leading to some instinctive decision making.

I got to be watchful and mindful of these tendencies as I observe this tendency in me during the past week
downloaded bookmyshow app and ended up booking tickets to watch tintin 3d, it was'nt planned but happened in the spur of the moment.

The ego : ahamkara

The ego still has lot of issues with it. It just realized that it has no right whatsoever with whomsoever in future to criticize.

It has the tendency to behave instinctively if the opportunity presents itself.

Beware ! You may have very high regards about yourself and strong beliefs about yourself and what you stand for. This you is the ego or the Ahamkara in Sanskrit.

Given the opportunity the instinctive mind can "take over" your system. This taking over is what is termed as lack of self control in English. The soul inhabits the human body in this life time. After living through many many bodies of various species this body has been awarded to it governed by karma for further evolution. Due to this living in so many lives in animal bodies the basic instinctive tendencies which are : desire for food, attraction to opposite sex, shelter, fear of unknown or darkness is very much prevalent in it. It's these tendencies that are extremely hard to overcome not as a repression but through understanding.

Observing ones ego at all times reveals just how much the mind seeks pleasure and tries aversion from pain in day to day life

Detachment from the ego

As mentioned by Patanjali, ego is when seer identifies himself with the instrument of seeing.
The practice of observation and contemplating in the 'I am not this'  detaches oneself quite well. The first observation which I had when I tried this today is the ego ofcourse.

• I am not this which fears the unknown.
• I am not this which gets irritated if someone is not doing what they are supposed to do properly, whether its attending an important call or not attending it.
• I am not this which gets upset if people take things for granted.
• I am not this which fears loss of career advancement
• I am not this which resents someones attitude
• I am not this which likes to deliver the best.
• I am not this which thinks its doing good.
• I am not this which watches favorite TV shows.
• I am not this which relishes in blogging such thoughts.

Thanks Ramakrishnanada for the beautiful podcasts. Its so clear to me now the underlying human qualities are all the same. Aversion from pain and attachment to pleasure.

Mark zuckerberg

One thing I have observed about Facebook, whether it's features or the way they provide help for common questions and the way they approach problem solving : one thing is evident : in everything he / Facebook does try never lose sight of the goal in mind and they carve a simple solution to complex problems. Be it a user list, like status, friend suggestions, simple messages, chat windows, wall subscriptions, notifications etc. They just know how to find an area of the screen to craft a solution to the users needs.

Whoever is working on these in Facebook whether its mark zuckerberg himself or his colleagues from Harvard, Stanford or Berkeley : they have a fine sense of attention to detail without getting bogged down by details. They probably are doing this by focussing on one problem at a time and crafting the solution for the same in the present. 

It's just a matter of ' Looking ' deeply into the problem, in such a way that the solution shows up by itself.

Nobody has been able to give a good user experience and user interface as classy as Facebook. Google+ interface didn't amaze me at all. Twitter is ok but addresses a different need altogether.

Much can be achieved in the external world with a good observation coupled by willpower.