Another relapse of vows - Explore power of decision making

Update on 17th Oct: Had kotthu Paratha last night from a hotel and had an unwanted dream which lead to loss of sublimation. Need to understand how to consciously be conscious of dreams. 

Update on Oct 14th: 50 tinyhabits in place in life. Live Manifestation happening per my identity. Yet on occasions in dreams especially and sometimes even in waking states, mind does behave instinctively, but now I observed even in dreams there's some conscious control, thanks to daily sadhana and contemplation. Having a good body with anti-aging manifesting doesn't mean your identity changed, only the dress I'm wearing changed, but the core principles which guide my life remain and there should be no compromise there doesn't matter what the occassion is, who I interact with, or what sort of thoughts come and go in mind. 

Update on Sep 6th: was able to use the power of decision to maintain my vows until 5th Sep. Which isn't bad. 

2 new learnings.

1. Don't plan vows /decisions for life, plan for next two days. In the immediacy of your consciousness. 

2. Use the "after I" prompt to manifest whatever you want to manifest

Update On 22nd July 2020 11.40 PM : since i didn't follow this today as well I renew my vow of being a Jivanmukta, Paramahamsa Brahmachari at this very moment by completing all my past incompletions by proclaiming Paramasivoham. 

Still unable to authentically practice brahmacharya in thoughts, words and actions. The mind is very primitive and it feels like it cannot be changed. Any sort of control is feels like repression. 

One thing that keeps coming to my mind again and again is what UG Krishnamurti mentions about the mind. That it's interested in its own continuity.

all said and done brahmacharya is important and I want to explore the power of decision making. 

Relapse of Vows

Went to US in March 03 2020, everything was fine but after I returned not sure what happened, mind made me briefly go back to old habits, repressed memories and my vows took a beating. 

(Tatpurusha) Siva's aspect which removes one from Delusion took over and thanks to Siva pooja - I am able to restart my vows. Luckily all isn't lost as Siva Pooja and Diet (Nirahara Samyama) is still on track with occasional solids. 

Yoga and Control over Sleep are the next aspects to master 

thanks Swamiji

The night of 2nd Jan 2020 despite getting some bad dreams I finally get to feel my Guru Swami Nithyanandas feet. I thank him in Tears for His darshan. He was looking younger unshaven and in yellow Robes. I kiss His feet.

on 25th Jan 2019 - Swamiji again came in dream. I felt very close and intimate with Him. Thanks Swamiji

No more negativity

Update: though I'm not able to get up at 4 everyday. Siva pooja and morning satsang is happening daily. Need to include kriya and yoga. 

Dear Siva,

I make a decision to Do sadhana everyday by getting up at 4 am if there are no negative thought currents in the people I interact closely with. Please make it happen

thank you for 10 dec

For ensuring my friend Baskar's father succesful discharge from Hospital. 

This was what was prayed and you made it happen : We just want him to be on his feet and live properly for a while. We don’t want him to suffer or go like this.

Thanks for removing me from a major delusion that haunted me for a major part of my life. 

Aum Tatpurushaya Vidmahe

Mahadevaya Dhimahi

Tannoh Rudra Prachodayat

Update : on 30 Dec I got the news that He passed on 29th Dec after recovering and spending some good time with his family.