Torn between past and future

As more intense experiences favorable or unfavorable start coming unpredictably and all of a sudden, the mind which was earlier living the the "now" starts oscillating between the past and the future. In other words it gets excited. It forgets the fact that the past is just a dream and the one purpose of it is to make us learn and the only sane thing to do is to apply its teachings in the "now". The mind based on past successes gets excited and tries to desire more and set tougher goals as it has intellectually been trained to do so. It fantasizes about future that the grass is greener elsewhere. It is never in a position to accept the beautiful "now" moment where it is perfectly all right and has no reason to worry. During this process it ends up forgetting past mistakes and the learnings it had carried from it and ends up doing the same mistakes again and again, until awareness realizes this.

After experiencing near-success-miss-due-to-fate sort of experiences, the ego gets hurt and frustrated. More experiences of this sort come on to it. Some injustices happen and the frsutrated ego due to these extreme experiences ends up forgetting all past learnings, the intellect takes a back seat and the ego tends to turn towards the distractions of modern world and old habits of thinking to gain solace. In other words it assumes the older personality. I had a glimpse of this happening recently in my life and i have to try hard not give in myself to these frustrations. These are highly magnetic states of mind that impress the subconscious strongly. It takes a lot of persistent hard work and time to get de-magnetized from these states.

Due to all this the 'calm' gets spoilt and it becomes so difficult to bring awareness to the present. More profound meditation is the key to quiet the mind and its passions at this stage. --- Life puts you off-centre in many possible ways --- u end up struggling and centering yourself. i have seen this pattern happening over and over again, that it doesnt surprise me anymore :-)

Thus we are the creators of our own destiny, we are the ones who fasten the process or slowen the process, its entirely up to us. With awareness and will in the present, we fasten our own evolution, with awareness diversified and torn between past and future, we repeat the same mistakes over and over leading to slowing down our own spiritual evolution.